When I accepted Christ for real, I say for real because although I grew up in church and accepted Christ at a very young age, he had yet to become real to me. My real conversion came on the heels of my mother’s death. Left in the world seemingly alone, my Christian foundation lead me back to the rock.
Now let’s be clear, I said ran me back not fixed me. This encounter with God left me hungry and desperate for God and changed my life radically in a moment. From that moment on all I ever wanted was God, or so at least that’s what I wanted to believe. I studied the word, joined worship teams and over time became grafted in church leadership until one day the thing I loved became the thing I hated.
I went back and forth for quite some time doing my best to be politically correct within the church. This approach lead to many days of great frustration. I continued to force myself to serve and adapted a self mutilation policy. Clearly it had to be me. Perhaps I wasn’t praying or reading enough.
Much time had past and I’d like to say God just looked at me and said ok, enough of that and whispered in my ear, “You have fallen away from your first love.” I heard him but didn’t hear him and continued on with what I thought I knew; until I just couldn’t take it anymore and literally in one moment walked away from it all.
Broken, lost, and confused I began my journey of understanding exactly what God meant. I had become routine oriented, goal driven and not to mention, I had lost everything that was important to me. So instead of nurturing my relationship with God I somehow in the slightest of ways threw my pain into serving God. Yes, serving God and not loving and being with him.
I’m saying all this to say, be careful! We live in very uncertain times with an epic number of distractions. Now more than ever, it is easy for us to take our pain and confusion and throw it into serving God. I mean admit it. It makes you feel and look good but over time, will reap a heart that has become calloused to the one we love the most.
This week I encourage you to take some time and ask God where your relationship is with him. I said ask God, because sometimes we think we know and are completely clueless. Only God knows exactly what is going on in your heart and wants to either restore your relationship with him or expand it. Today fall deeper in love with your first love! Believe me, it matters the most!