I can give you a blanket answer like, I go for a walk, or call a friend and all of that may be true but I’m talking about the kind of loneliness that comes in like an unwanted guest that overstays their welcome. You’ve fed them, given them the best accomodations and for some reason they have made themselves overly comfortable in your home. They sit in your favorite chair and drink from your personal cup. The refrigerator is empty and your peace of mind is stolen. They simply won’t leave, that’s the kind of loneliness I’m talking about.
I consider myself a strong person with a strong mind but during these ten plus years of being single without children, I have had unwanted visitors that would only leave when kicked out. At first, I thought I would just entertain them. Get them a glass of water when they need it, a home cooked meal and a nice hot shower. In the beginning I nurtured them. I fed them by agreeing with the thoughts that I was alone, that no one cared, and it was my ex’s fault. The list of things I believed went on and on. Sometimes I would find myself angry, sometimes sad, sometimes melancholy, which to me is the worst. You’re not happy or sad just stuck in the middle trying to reach one place or the other. I would agree with all my excuses and thoughts of aloneness until I finally woke up and realized my house was a mess and so was I. I had somehow drowned myself in a pool of false truths. The exact opposite was true. I was not alone, I simply was not married. People cared, they just couldn’t display their level of concern because I was still wearing my suit of armour and would not dare let anyone in. And surely it was not my ex’s fault for releasing me from a life of frustration and accepting a lower level of joy than I desired and deserved.
I’d love to tell you this was a one time event but honestly I have learned to ride the waves. See those thoughts, somehow, had to find their way in me. Proverbs 23:7 says “So as a man thinks so is he.” Luke 6:45 says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” These scriptures let me know these thoughts were hidden deep inside of me way before they came to the surface. It’s like an old injury that’s been hidden. Year ago I injured my knee while playing a casual game of basketball. I sat down for about two weeks and life resumed as usual until about five years later. I began to lose weight which caused me to have issues with my knee. The doctor said that injuries can stay hidden until a person either gains or loses weight. I think emotionally we are the same. We don’t see our injured soul until emotional stress is added or released. Then suddenly we begin to manifest old pain and thoughts we believed were conquered.
So when dealing with loneliness I suggest you pull out your surfboard and ride the waves. There will be strong waves and less subtle waves but if you stay steady and honest with your heart, you will make it through this season and find yourself in a place of emotional rest.
Author: Petrina Milan