From time to time I find myself engulfed in conversations with my single friends. We play ring- around- the-rosy and throw different scenarios at each other. Some of us have been married before and others have never lunged in this unknown territory. One thing we all have in common is our preference. Some like short, some like tall, while others have no physical preference at all. However, everyone is looking for a matured seasoned person they can be themselves with and trust with their heart.
Another thing we have in common is we all seem to be very aware of things in our mind that may be a repellant to the desires of our heart becoming fulfilled. It could be our weight, age, financial status, or relationship history for those of us that are divorced. The thing is ,if you’ve been married before and somehow found yourself in divorce court, you tend to overanalyze yourself in areas where you didn’t feel love and affirmation during the marriage.
After one of our single chats, I became aware of an area in my life that made me feel as if achieving perfect balance was the only option that would be received by another. As we discussed this new revelation my eyes were opened to the lie I’d partnered with. I have always prided myself in being very organized, disciplined and together. People who know me well would say the same. I have a sort of warrior type stance that is bathed in grace and immersed in strength. I’m an optimist and always see the glass half full and the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I have dark days but my life stance is to overcome them. I may not know how or when but I have a strong faith that somehow I will overcome.
For the most part this works to my advantage. In the most difficult situations I somehow rise. But as I’ve matured I’ve learned that every strength has a weakness. In all my optimism I can tend to be very hard on myself when I have not achieved the order and structure I desire or feel others will find desirable. I voluntarily put myself on a shelf for later use. This conversation uncovered this hidden deception.
The next day I found myself still thinking about this new revelation. As I stared out the window in deep thought, I heard, “True Love has no preference.” Quickly my mind ran across all of my personal preferences, my deal breakers and a strict list of desires I’d like in a mate. In that moment I could see that was not true love. I was placing the same measure I placed on myself on others, perfection. I could see true love, would see the most undesirable quality yet see the purity of the heart behind the mess. Love in its purest form could somehow see the heart and know the mess was temporary. Love would move into action to assist as if it were them.
At that moment I realized I had been hoodwinked by my past and was allowing it to block my future. I am a woman of strong faith and belief in God but I believed because of my inability to get some things balanced like I desire, I simply was currently unworthy and needed to pursue perfection in order to become a candidate. I know this may sound crazy to some but I have a high moral standard and see things a certain way. So I do my best to approach life and it’s situations in what seems like proper order to me. For example, you want to get married but your finances and children are all over the place. In my mind you need to work on that and perfect it and then worry about a relationship. I’m learning no one should stop working toward their goals but there needs to be a measure of grace extended to self. In reality, I may be waiting a very long time if it’s up to me to accomplish perfection in order to receive. Life somehow has a way of tricking you. Just when you think the kids have settled and you can take a break the finances get hit and the kids start their cycle of painful growth all over again. The truth is, if someone cannot step into your world and see your heart amongst life’s highs and lows then you have not encountered true love no matter how compatible you are. I Corinthians 13 tells us the characteristics of love. It is to be patient, kind, not to envy, not to boast, is not proud, and does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Whether you are married, separated, single or divorced know love has no preference. It’s the best of the best wine and yields a heart that longs for it. Beloved, if you are anything like me, take away the scanner and give yourself a break. Life happens to all of us and uncontrollable situations can show up at any door. This holiday season, instead, look past the bramble and find the hidden riches within. Allow love to lead and leave your preferences behind.
Author: Petrina Milan