“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change” This quote written by Jim Rohn speaks loudly to our times. Currently, we find ourselves trekking through this modern day pandemic longing for normal. In my search for normalcy, I tune my ear to the voice of the prophets. I found a familiar thread, a familiar sound. They all seem to be saying that on the other side of the shutdown, we’ll begin to experience restoration and restitution. That all things are changing and being made new. At the thought, my soul is filled with a sense of relief.
These statements have left me pondering exactly what in my life needs restoring? What needs to be made brand new? I could easily point to my finances, health, careers or other external realities but I felt the invitation to journey slightly deeper. As I peeled back another layer to this mystery I began to realize for me and many others the last decade had brought the destruction of divorce. Dreams have died and lives torn apart. We didn’t get married to get divorced but somehow, we found ourselves victims of this tragedy. .
Children were forced to shift into single parent homes without choice and those we considered blessed were privileged to vacillate between homes. Our finances were rattled, emotions scarred, embarrassment and shame were all too familiar. Voices whispered, accusation was a daily battle all while we grinned and beared it. Not because we were strong but because hell had somehow visited our homes for the last time and seemingly won.
As I meditated how God had somehow amazingly brought me through this season, I heard a whisper say, “This is the season where relationships, love, and all things lost through divorce will be restored.” I was so excited to hear this from the Lord because subliminally the body of Christ somehow has silently sent me the message that I did something wrong, probably deserved it, and needed to be thankful. It was a silent rejection that continuously informed me I had failed.
For a while I listened to those silent voices. Clearly, I had done something wrong and needed to focus on Jesus as my husband. So I have done just that and let me tell you, it has been the best thing I’ve ever done. But over the last few years the Lord has begun to scratch on my silent belief system. I began to see what was missing. I began to see the season was changing and the future would require a new truth. Who would I share secrets with, laugh with, and if I got sick, Lord forbid, who would love me enough to intercede and care for me when necessary. I began to see the product of the loss. He began to deeper challenge my belief system. Was this God’s will? Was He only about punishment or was there more?
How could I get divorced and be forced to live alone based on a few bad decisions that were made during my youth. If you have teenage or young adult children then you understand what I’m saying. Many times we choose to marry when we are at the most vulnerable phase of growth in life. We, somehow in our 20’s, haven’t quite matured enough to make sound decisions and somehow have deaf ears to others.
Scientific studies have shown that the prefrontal cortex portion of the brain, that deals with decision making, doesn’t fully develop until around the age of 25. Which means even at 25 you are just beginning to learn good decision making skills. All adults over 30 know that it takes practice, many successes and failures to develop a more mature approach to making sound decisions.
Many divorcees did just that. We married during a phase where our decision making was not developed or strong. Some that married early were able to weather the storms while others of us, the storm consumed. Should those who failed be penalized for their immature decision making? For most, the answer is yes. If you’ve ever lived in an unhappy marriage and went through a divorce you truly have been punished. These types of situations suck the life out of you and instead of building, slowly and quietly tear down. Some go their separate ways early in the marriage while others followed the lead of spiritual leaders to dig in and pray until something happened. We laid ourselves down for the cause, not realizing the price we would pay; suffering and living with the guilt that you didn’t try hard enough, pray hard enough, serve enough.
I took the PUSH approach. (Pray until something happens) Something happened alright, divorce. I remember talking to a friend about where I was in my marriage and she said, “You are a self martyr.” You’ll just keep self-sacrificing for the cause.” At the time, I didn’t want to hear it and probably didn’t speak to her for a while but the words landed and I now understand. Some things prayer will change, but man’s will also plays an important role. God will never go against a person’s will. I had been trained that my prayers could do anything and in my case that simply was not true. Wills were set and the inevitable happened.
Now, I find myself entering a season of restoration. I’m faced with the possibility of receiving love. To be honest parts of me are super excited and other parts of me are terrified. I know I am not the same person, and have an apprehension of being hurt.. I question myself, “Have I really changed?” I truly won’t know until it’s tested. I abandon these thoughts and cling to the voice that says, “ All things new.” I must trust that this time around it will be just that, new. Abba would not heal me and set me up for a repeat disaster. He’s setting me up for a dance that will mirror the image of Christ and the Church. He’s preparing me for the perfect dance. No, this dance isn’t perfect in the element of being flawless. It’s perfect in the image of imperfection that is covered with forgiveness, sacrifice, and love in its purest form; an image of the cross.
So if you’ve suffered relational loss in any way, rest assured for many your Boaz, your Shulamite woman is tucked in time within this decade and will be revealed when you least expect it. God is restoring you to your original design. Everyone deserves to be loved and many of these unions will be fusions created by God to be partnerships that will shift things in the earth realm for the Kingdom’s purpose. Hold on, love awaits…
Author: Petrina Milan