The mind is the devil’s workshop. I’ve heard this a million times from what we would call “The Mothers of the Church.” Those seasoned saints who had walked through the fiery trials of life and were eager to share their wisdom. They’d love to quote scripture from their books of expertise. We’d laugh and say that’s not in the Bible. Our weekly sessions of Children’s Church and Sunday school had taught us that much. But as you get older and walk through challenges you soon learn there is great truth to this parable. The battle is truly in the mind.
Lately, I’ve found myself in a place where I’ve been victorious over many mental battles. Some instituted by me, some by my bloodline and others by the enemy himself. I’ve come to a place where I know I must stay steadfast in the word of God to conquer and keep a stable mind. Yet I find myself with the greatest season and blessing of my life at hand and here we go again. The battle of the mind ramps up.
Suddenly thoughts of doubt and fear plague my mind. Is God really going to do what he promised? Then having to go in an employment direction I really thought was over brought the reality of doubt to the surface. If I’m supposed to be walking into the greatest time of my life did God not get the memo? Uh, hello God! If things are supposed to be changing then there’s a slight oversight here. You forgot about the job. And of course silence fills the room…
Now me, I have problems from time to time connecting with my feeling and how to express them. I’m a long way from where I was but I’m noticing a pattern in my life where I begin to create scenarios in effort to fulfill my lack of understanding and frustration. So I’ll talk about ventures I think will pull me out of what I consider God’s missteps. Oh they are great plains with great substance but they are all me and God is nowhere near them. When I look at it now, how arrogant of me. Sometimes, I behave as if I don’t know God at all.
I start thinking of other things I can do or moving to another city etc. The great discontent in me drives me to begin to create other peaceful scenarios I think will bring relief and happiness. Thank God he always has a way of putting on the brakes, pulling me back and helping me see the real deal. The frustration is wrapped up in a lack of control and false expectations. See I believe what God has said and what he has shown me but what I do from there is the problem. I expect God to do it in a way that makes sense to me, a way that suits me. So I somehow get off the “pure faith path” and get on the “I got this figured out path”. I somehow unconsciously begin to think of the plan, the timing, and the method of how God will perform his word, as if I have any control in the matter. I simple forget that He is a God that does exceedingly greater than any of my minuscule plans. I simple minimize who he is and to my detriment. I love that about God. He is patient and consistent, and doesn’t bow to my foolishness.
I was reading Heaven Awaits the Bride by Anna Rountree. If you are not familiar it’s a book about her heavenly encounters. If you haven’t read it I highly suggest you do. In this portion she was asking Jesus did he get lonely. His response was “I long for completion, but that is not loneliness. Loneliness comes from unfulfilled desires, passions that cause one to see, to live in the future through a desire for fulfillment. I live in the present. I am concerned with that which is now.”
I was like bam, that’s my problem. I know something is coming and I’m trying to fulfill desires and passions outside of Jesus in my own way. At that moment I knew I had a real problem and began to ask God to teach me how to live in the moment. Now I would have wished he would have fallen on me and given me an impartation of patience and living in the moment, but nope, sorry to disappoint, he didn’t. But I had a nugget to pray and meditate on.
So several days passed and I was still warring with my ideas then I had a dream that opened my eyes to some new things. Not that the dream was directly related to my issue but it somehow has brought me understanding. In this dream I was in a room with a high level apostle/prophet. He was lying down and was a little congested and sent me ahead to a service. I told him I hope you feel better and he said, “Oh God will pop it right out.” I somehow began to see him in the room after I left. He had a wasp that landed on his head and it went into his hair and I knew it was going to sting him. Although I knew he would get stung I also knew that this was some sort of medicine or healing that was taking place. He put a lid over the wasp as it stung him and when the wasp was finished he let it fly back into the jar and put the lid on. I was eager to find out the purpose of the wasp.
The dream continued to another scene where I was on a bus with a bunch of children. The bus driver gets on and she had to put some things away and put some other things in place. She asked me to tell the other bus drivers across the street to be aware that we would be riding along side them, parallel to where they were. I was sitting two-thirds of the way back behind the driver and all of a sudden I somehow without knowing it hit a red lever that caused the bus to roll backwards. I informed the driver and she asked, “How in the world did I do that?” I responded, “I don’t know.” Somehow there was a rearview mirror above my seat and I could steer the bus with the red lever as it went backwards. I was sure to keep the bus off to the side of the street so that it would not touch or run into anything. As we rolled backwards the bus driver was still putting things away as if she was in no hurry. We rolled until there was a hill that led to a levy and then an ocean. I let her know we were heading down a hill and there was nothing I could do. As we began to roll down the hill I envisioned us either hitting the levy or flipping into the water. Half way down the hill she jumped into the driver’s seat and pressed the gas and the bus began to ascend up the hill. She got us to the top and continued to drive and suddenly a giant wave came out of the ocean headed straight for the bus. I thought there is no way she’s going to be able to drive through this but was hopeful. She continued to drive through the wave. I could see that the wave was so high it covered the bus. Once we got through the water I noticed that this same occurrence had happened in several different places. Some places were dry while others were wet.
Then the dream switched and I was in a beach restaurant with a bunch of women I was familiar with. We talked, laughed and just hung out for a while in the restaurant. We weren’t eating but just hanging out. It seemed to me that someone should initiate that it was time to go. It was clear to me but no one seemed to say a word. After waiting a few more minutes I stood up and said, “I’m leaving, it’s time to go.” As I walked toward the exit the woman began to follow. On my way I began to think of our next move. I knew somehow I had stepped into a leadership role and suddenly knew what our next step was. I would tell them that we had a little more time to hang out at the pool and beach then we would need to head back to the room and shower and relax. Once we were all showered we would need to head back.
The last scene of the dream yielded me in a service where the lights were dim, the altar was packed and the service seemed to be about sowing and giving. People were walking to the front with their offering. Then I noticed a little girl around the age of 10. She realized she had a cookie that she could share and bring as an offering. She excitedly went to the front of the crowd with her offering. Then another girl around the same age realized she had some Slim Jim’s in her hand and was willing to share these. She also disappeared to the front of the crowd. I stood thinking what did I have to give because it seemed the offering was not monetary.
As I sought the Lord for understanding I received the following revelation:
The apostle seemed to be using the wasp to heal the congestion he had. I believe the congestion represents the things that are magnified that hinder us. Although he is a very powerful man he was lying down and had to deal with the congestion. Although he was dealing with it he had all faith that God would heal him. The wasp stinging him represented the things that the enemy has been using against us have been used to heal us. The very thing that plagues you is the very place you will receive breakthrough. Don’t try to run from it or cast it out. Instead face it head on. Remember the enemy is not just the devil but is thought patterns, false belief, religious tradition, and anything that stands in the way of truth. I heard “The venom neutralized the poison.” I thought, I believe you Lord but how is that possible and what will I back that up with? I was led to research it so to Google I went. In my research I found an article in the “UT News” from the University of Texas at Austin that read “Crazy Ants Dominate Fire Ants by Neutralizing Their Venom.” I couldn’t believe it. These ants have venom that detoxified the red ants venom. The venom neutralizes the poison. Every attack of the enemy has only been venom, a tool, which God will use to remove every debilitating poison, residue that has lingered and caused delay. It’s the thing that seems to bring us the most pain we must lean into with God and trust that it will break and freedom will be released.
The bus going backwards represents to me the thoughts of doubt that I’ve had concerning the promise of God. The thoughts alone have allowed the lever to be pulled, and placed me into a driver’s position without driver’s controls revisiting the past. Although my thoughts had activated the reverse decline I was able to not crash and get stuck anywhere in the past. The driver, which I believe represents an angel was in no hurry because she knew the grace was there to keep me from crashing and that some things had to be put away while others had to be put into place before we could move forward again. It wasn’t until I no longer could steer and was completely out of control that the bus driver jumped into her seat and began to drive. Once she did we were hit by a wave of glory and blessing. I was still not connecting what was going on but it did not stop the outpouring. Once we got through the wave. I looked around and saw many others who had been doused in this same glory wave. Some had gotten hit while others were on dry ground. It was like all the time lost, plus more, was made up in this one wave. I was glad I was not driving because I would have stopped in fear at the size of the wave and missed the outpouring. I believe there are more to come.
The beach scene represents a season of relaxing and taking it easy is coming to an end. No one wanted it to end so everyone was lingering but I knew the time was near and looked to someone else to do what only I could do. I looked for others to lead me when I was the one they were looking for to lead them.
Lastly, the scene of the service was the most profound to me. The altar was full of those willfully bringing their sacrifice. There were people everywhere but I could only see the children. Their excitement and desire to give was pure, powerful and admirable. Once they realized what was in their hand they quickly went to the front of the altar to give their offering. I saw that God wants us to bring our offerings to him with the pureness of a child. A child usually does not have any monetary offering. They simply offer what has value to them. To one it was a cookie to the other Slim Jim’s. I loved Slim Jim’s as a child and that truly would have been something precious to me at the time. I felt that the offering was not about money but God wanting us to go into the most childlike recesses of our heart and find the one thing that is most precious to us and lay it joyfully at the altar.
Sometimes we can give ourselves fully to God during a moment of our life but as we grow and mature in the things of God the requirement of sacrifice grows. You move from living a sin free life to living a life of sacrifice. A life where God will request the good things in life, things that are not sinful but hinder a deeper connection and relationship with God. I felt that this was the type of offering that was being given here. We have to seek him to find what he desires and then willingly place it at his feet. The reward always outweighs the sacrifice. I feel this seed will not only please and bring great joy to the Father but that it will unlock the wave of glory reserved for you to come.
So I hear the Lord say the past is over leave it behind. I have walked with you through the valley. I have captured your tears. Every tear is a fragrance of joy to me, for I know you have overcome. Seek me out, come higher. Lay down not only your life but your most precious possession as well. I don’t want your money for it has no value here. I’m looking for something deeper, something else. I have something great planned for you. Don’t look to the left or to the right for what you desire is found in me through you. The answer is in you. So come out of your slumber, let me finish the neutralization of the poison and catapult you into your new.
Be encouraged, if we cry out to him, the Lord covers even our missteps. I’ve seen a portion of my promise. Oh, I can taste and see it but I am yet to possess it in this realm. What I know is He is faithful, faithful to show me the errors of my ways and to fulfill his promise to me.
***Be reminded that dreams can have several interpretations and can mean different things to different people. Feel free to comment and share if God speaks to you.
Author: Petrina Milan