You Said Yes…

You Said Yes…

Yes, one of the shortest yet most powerful words in the English Language. Yes has the power to be the beginning of a wonderful journey or the start to a series of unfortunate events.  Once spoken, only time can reveal what’s to follow.

Yes is a demanding question.  Usually the situation has gone as far as it can and any further growth or maturity requires a new level of commitment. A yes or no answer is the only thing that can cause the situation to gain or lose momentum.  A marriage proposal, or a business deal simple cannot gain any progression until an answer is given.  You can feel the unseen pressure and sometimes anxiety finds it’s way on the scene. But what exactly is your yes getting you into?  Sometimes it’s just impossible to see.  You analyze all given information, use your prior knowledge and use your best judgment before giving an answer. And before you know it, you are locked into a contract simply by your spoken word.  Oh, the power of yes!

There are times as believers we are faced with the same question from God. Your relationship has gone as far as it can and in order to grow you are faced with the charge.  Will you say yes?  Now remember that God is not like us.  Sometimes, He’s not as courteous with His request.  Often times he will bring you to a moment where he will simply present the question. “If I ask, will you say yes?”  Of course, our natural response to the question is, “Yes; Yes to what?”  He simply asks again and waits for the heartfelt response. God is Spirit and He only speaks to our spirit not our mind.  I’ve learned that my mind is mingled with all sorts of improper thinking from my life experiences. My mind simply would never say yes for the right reason. My untainted yes always comes at a moment where my mind and my flesh have been shut down.

For me it can happen during some of my most intimate times with him where I find myself in full connection with his Spirit.  It is then He so gently presents the question, “ Will you say yes?” It’s at those times my mind cannot interfere.  It is no longer in the front seat but has now been locked in the trunk and has no way of interfering.  Without thought, my spirit quickly says yes.  At that moment, I’m so enamored with His love, His presence I would say yes to anything.  I quickly, gladly pour my heart out with expressive tears as my heart shouts yes! “You have my yes!”  I walk away full of joy and excitement because I have told the Father yes and am fully aware it came from the realest place possible within me, my spirit.  It’s not until months and sometimes years later I begin to realize what I said yes to and it is never what I thought!  My yes, came with a price.  A price that was bigger than my flesh and mind were willing to pay.

This is when I usually find my life has taken a difficult turn and I have no earthly clue why.  Recently, I walked through a very difficult season of yes.  A yes, I had given God years earlier in one of those unmatchable moments with him.  Now before I continue let me make it clear that God does not bring evil to us or cause us harm! That is always the enemy because God’s loves is thoughtful and purposeful. He will use those attacks to birth something new in us. This new birthing  gives us a greater authority and power in Christ and opens our heart to be more like him.

So here I am walking through life and all of a sudden the bottom falls out.  Every security I knew was gone, finances, friendships, ministry all gone in the blink of an eye. It’s amazing how things and positions can give you a false sense of security you aren’t even aware you possess.  It isn’t until these things are removed you become aware.

So for months I fought with the enemy and myself until I realized that was getting me nowhere.  Somewhere in the middle of all of the loss I began to hear God remind me of my yes. My yes was to submit to the pruning that was to come and now I was living it. It was like walking on hot coals dying a thousand deaths daily.  The things I once found security in were no more. It’s amazing how you can believe your security is in God until that safety net is challenged by the shifts of everyday life. As I said, this was not God trying to punish me but through an attack from the enemy He was building character.  And let me be sure to mention my own mistakes in the process.  They were a part of the suffering as well. You don’t know what darkness is in you until the light shines on it.  And let me tell you the light was shinning brightly and there was no escape.

As I mulled through the season in and out of depression, anxiety, frustration…blah, blah, blah… Let’s just say I was a hot mess and had been one for quiet some time.  I was unaware of this darkness because it had never been exposed to the light. Now I was like a gremlin being scorched by the sun.  Sunray after sunray would shine on this darkness while I lay helpless wincing in pain. Who could I blame?  This light was exposing me to me. I found myself a woman with an unclean heart and I was broken to pieces before this light.

At times, I would question God about the process.  I would say things like; I asked for this?  I said yes to this?  Uh, I’ll take a do-over, thank you!  I change my mind.  I think I’ll change that yes to a no.  He simply explained the process to me.  That He is Spirit and when my spirit said yes to Him things were put into motion and whether I knew it or not my spirit continued to say yes throughout the process.  My mind said no but my spirit said yes. And so this was part of the struggle. (The Spirit is willing but the mind is weak. Matthew 26:41)

So as I stayed the course deciding not to go around this mountain again, God gave me strength to endure and began to release revelation.  He began to reveal that he was doing a work in my heart.  He was doing heart surgery and it was the most painful of surgeries I’d ever been through with the Father. God was reconditioning my heart while the enemy was “Johnny on the spot” doing his job.  He was right there, daily trying to convince me I was losing my mind and that God had left me, that all those years of serving and seeking him were for nothing.

I often wondered why in scripture Elijah and Job wanted to die.  (I Kings 19:4, Job 10:18)  My experience was brining clarity to this question. Everything that you find security in is gone.  You are dying to what you know and are experiencing a death to areas of yours soul and life. Gods’ pruning mingled with the enemy’s attacks will cause you to see no hope in life ever being the same while your view of the future is fully obscured.  It’s a moment where you see all is gone yet find no hope for tomorrow because you simply cannot see.  It is at those times I had to press past my discomfort and personal death wishes to trust God had a plan for me! (Jeremiah 29:11)  Oh it wasn’t easy and death was not a spirit of suicide but a mere lack of purpose and function in the earth.  It’s a dark place and anyone who ever faces it should reach out to trusted love ones immediately for prayer and support!  And if all those you trusted have been wiped away in the pruning then reach out to a trusted ministry and submit your prayer request to them.  Whatever you do just don’t try to fight this monster alone.  Isolation only empowers it.

So today I am on the other side of what I thought was the end of many things in my life. Riding the wave and letting go has taught me that my end was only a line of demarcation to my new beginning.  I’ve found the trusted love ones the enemy tried to separate me from are now even more trusted and that we walk in a greater love and appreciation for one another.  I found out I needed a lesson in humility.  I trust and have full faith that God is my healer, my deliverer and he will restore. In God  you simply cannot lose if you stay the course.  (Galatians 6:9) Just stay on the path because wilderness repeats are just that, repeats. The last time I checked the wilderness was still hot, dry and waterless.  Only clinging to and trusting the Father during such times will bring you through and to the Promise Land.  It’s the pruning, the cutting away that conditions the heart for the new.

So stay steadfast regardless of what you have lost or how you feel. Remember, God’s word is true and he is not a man that can lie. (Numbers 23:19) Be reminded that, He and only He is the author and finisher of your faith. (Hebrews 12:2) Lastly, He restores the lost years! (Joel 2:25)  He would have never told us he would restore them if he knew that there would be a time that they could be taken away. The good thing about restoration is it includes multiplication of all things lost!  (Isaiah 61:7) So dear one, stay your course, wrestle with your heart before the almighty and you are sure to come out new!

Author:  Petrina Milan

Facebook:  @eyesofanovercomer

Instagram:  bornblessed2

Twitter:  @petrina_milan

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